When old best friends call (2024)

I have to admit that going through school in the 70's resembled the 70's show at times. Especially the smoke out circles and parties. In our circle, people I haven't seen very often since high school, are some of the best friends I ever had. These are people I have known since the 1st grade.

I never answer the phone anymore and unless a person leaves a message, usually, I have no clue who called. I get a call last night from one of my oldest best friends and was told that another best friend had recently passed away. The friend that passed away developed an inoperable brain tumor and ended up in a nursing home for about a month. After talking about this guy I'm told that another good friend had a stroke last winter and is in a nursing home with many problems including cognition. I reveal that another friend has ALS. He then tells me about his surgery to remove something.

We finally get the conversation back to outdoor activities after a good 30 minutes of the death and dying conversation. I did see my friends obituary last night on Facebook of all places. He traded in his 57 Chevy for a wheel chair is what it looked like. He still had the s**t eating grin.

Bill

Sorry to hear of your recent losses Bill. It's rough at times, and yet, also may bring a smile when we think of the good times had growing up in the 70's!

Hearing (and reading) about the death of old best friends is one of the hardest parts of aging in my opinion. I lost my HS best friend back in the late 1990s . . . she died from an aggressive form of cancer. I read about it in an alumni newsletter from the college we both attended.

It seems today, not a month goes by that I don't hear of another schoolmate passing away.

Just before COVID, I was inspired to make a list of the people who, if I heard of their death, I would be sad that I hadn't seen them one more time. I then made a point of trying to rendezvous with them when I had a good opportunity. When I finished the list wasn't as long as I thought it would be.

I've since cleared the list, except every now and then I remember another person to put on the list.

My high school 50th class reunion was a few years ago. They had a website to try and track down as many alumni as possible in advance. It was a sad thing to read down through the list of names, and find how many had already passed. Probably the worst was learning a girl I had dated during my senior year had passed away a few years ago. It seemed everyone had heard about it but me. I found her name on the Deceased list, and I was shocked.

Dave

DaveNV said:

My high school 50th class reunion was a few years ago. They had a website to try and track down as many alumni as possible in advance. It was a sad thing to read down through the list of names, and find how many had already passed. Probably the worst was learning a girl I had dated during my senior year had passed away a few years ago. It seemed everyone had heard about it but me. I found her name on the Deceased list, and I was shocked.

Dave

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See Also

The San Francisco Examiner from San Francisco, California

We attended our 40th class reunion about 7 or 8 years ago. Only two people had passed away. It was good to see everyone.This class was a party class. A particular class antic was reported in High Times and many newspapers. When the police investigated this particular event, everyone in the class claimed responsibility so they couldn't pin this on anyone. We were a very tight group back then. Over the years I see a person here or there but it's rare. As life went on we made new friends and the family has grown.

It's kind of strange seeing a good friend's obituary on Facebook and the comments of everyone I rarely see anymore.

Bill

Oh yes. We received two heartbreaking calls this year alone. We were shocked. Both guys in our close inner circle of friends were in their early 70’s.

Just a few years ago my husband’s best man passed and he was only in his mid sixties.

And so it begins…

T_R_Oglodyte said:

Just before COVID, I was inspired to make a list of the people who, if I heard of their death, I would be sad that I hadn't seen them one more time. I then made a point of trying to rendezvous with them when I had a good opportunity. When I finished the list wasn't as long as I thought it would be.

I've since cleared the list, except every now and then I remember another person to put on the list.

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Some added thoughts on this exercise. My initial list was much larger than my final list. But since I couldn't realistically put everyone on the list, it forced me to think more about specific from the past who actually meant the most to me. Going through that exercise was very interesting, because I found there were some people with whom I hadn't spent much actual time with, but the times we had were much more significant than with other people I had spend more time with.

I was also gratified that some of the people I put in the list were people I had seen recently before making the list, One person in particular, an old workmate whom I hadn't seen in about 35 years, made the list. But I had seen him in 2018 when I was cross-country in Massachusetts, and having made that visit, there wasn't a need to see him again.

That also led me to create a second tier of old contacts - people who I wouldn't specifically program, but if the opportunity presented I would try to reconnect with. There have been a couple of interesting outcomes when I have tried to reach out to those people.

WinniWoman said:

Oh yes. We received two heartbreaking calls this year alone. We were shocked. Both guys in our close inner circle of friends were in their early 70’s.

Just a few years ago my husband’s best man passed and he was only in his mid sixties.

And so it begins…

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I remember a time, when glancing through the obituaries in the newspaper, I realized that the people being remembered weren't that much different from my age.

Snazzylass said:

Class of '77, sort of. Moved back to the home state at the beginning of the month (still need to figure out how to update my profile here). A school chum gave me a list of gals, who never attend our reunions, to find. I had half an idea with my sister's help. Before we could reach out to an ol' fellow Girl Scout, her obit was posted on FB
She was 65. Breast cancer. Is 65 the worst time to die? To make it to the finish line and be robbed of your retirement?

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So sad . . . and as for age 65 . . . it seems so many of my family/friends died at the age of 65. I felt like I made a big hurdle when I got to 66 (and 67 will be later this year). I agree with you, it seems a cruel joke. My ex did retire at age 62 and within a couple of months, he received a stage 4 prostate cancer Dx. He died a few years later . . . yep age 65!

This photo is of my ex (far right), and two of his best friends taken back in the 1980's. All three have died since COVID, each due to a different cancer. Rex (my BIL in the middle) died just a couple of years ago. While it was a recurrence of renal cancer, it was still devastating given he had been clean of the cancer for 8-9 years. I had been in contact with Gary about Rex' passing and spoke with him at least a couple of times each year. When I reached out to him this past fall, I was shocked to learn he had died a couple of months before from lung cancer. The man was a sports stud and NEVER smoked. I couldn't believe he too was gone.

Ken (my ex) and Rex were both 65 . . . Gary was 68. Way to young for sure! I do find some comfort in knowing the three amigos are all together again. That does bring me some peace; and knowing each of them are no longer suffering.

Timeshare Von said:

So sad . . . and as for age 65 . . . it seems so many of my family/friends died at the age of 65. I felt like I made a big hurdle when I got to 66 (and 67 will be later this year). I agree with you, it seems a cruel joke. My ex did retire at age 62 and within a couple of months, he received a stage 4 prostate cancer Dx. He died a few years later . . . yep age 65!

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I hadn't considered the 65 year old and benefits released connection. It kind of makes a person wonder if waiting until full retirement age is a good idea but that's my plan. No crystal ball but I think I will be around into my mid 80's so I'm planning for it.

Bill

easyrider said:

I hadn't considered the 65 year old and benefits released connection. It kind of makes a person wonder if waiting until full retirement age is a good idea but that's my plan. No crystal ball but I think I will be around into my mid 80's so I'm planning for it.

Bill

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I pondered waiting for my FRA too (which just happened May 2024). I made it!

In our case, it was important for me to get there, so that my hubby would be eligible to collect up to half of mine SS amount.

Timeshare Von said:

In our case, it was important for me to get there, so that my hubby would be eligible to collect up to half of mine SS amount.

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Actually, it wouldn't matter if you waited or not. My DH started collecting at 62, I couldn't collect spousal support until I turned 65. (Unfortunately that program is slowly phasing out.) At that point, and for the next 5 years, I collected 1/2 of what he would've collected if he had waited to 65.

Goes to show ..................... different people, different answers. I had called when I reached 62 to see if I could collect on his. Was told I needed to wait until I reached 65. In the conversation they asked when he began collecting, they were told 62, so they knew. My SIL swore up and down that I should be able to collect on his at 62, because she could. (She lives in CA.) Wondering different states .... But SS is federal ... Maybe different states answer questions differently ... no wonder SS is in the shape it's in ............

Bottom line though, what is done is done. You're collecting & I'm assuming so is he. All worked out in the end .......... Happy for you.

susieq said:

Goes to show ..................... different people, different answers. I had called when I reached 62 to see if I could collect on his. Was told I needed to wait until I reached 65. In the conversation they asked when he began collecting, they were told 62, so they knew. My SIL swore up and down that I should be able to collect on his at 62, because she could. (She lives in CA.) Wondering different states .... But SS is federal ... Maybe different states answer questions differently ... no wonder SS is in the shape it's in ............

Bottom line though, what is done is done. You're collecting & I'm assuming so is he. All worked out in the end .......... Happy for you.

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Actually because he's a few years younger than me he's not collecting yet. But you're right what's done is done and hopefully everything works out for everybody us and you guys!

My Dad, who passed away in April 2023 at 92 used to say it wasn't his declining health or loss of mobility that bothered him about getting old, it was loosing all his friends. The one that hit Dad the hardest was the first to go, his best friend since right after high school, Don. They both started to work for Bell Canada on the same day in 1949 and became fast friends during training. Together with their future wives they stayed great friends for decades, even building cottages within 500 feet of each other. Bell offered an early retirement incentive to eligible employees in early 1981 and that May they both retired within a week of each other and both couples headed to the cottage for the summer. By July Don developed a cough that didn't seem to get better. Eventually he went back home to Toronto to see a Dr. and was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer. He started Chemo in September and died suddenly of a heart attack right after his 3rd treatment at the beginning of November. He was not even retired for 6 months.

By the time Dad passed away he had very few of his many friends left that he made through work and being a Masonic Lodge member and a Shriner as well as neighbours from the home they lived in for nearly 50 years.

DH and I have already lost quite a few friends, neighbours, and former co-workers in recent years and we aren't 70 yet. I think most of the deaths have been from cancer sadly. So many of them never got to retire, or like my Dads friend, were only retired a short time before passing. That is a big reason why we started to travel so much even before retirement. We didn't want to wait until after we retired and then find we were too ill or mobility compromised to enjoy travelling during retirement.

Getting old sucks but it beats the alternative!

~Diane

This thread is a reminder that our decision to retire early at 56 is still a good decision for us. I was planning on working more, but when the opportunity presented itself, I'm so glad we decided to go down this route. You just never know how much time is on the horizon, and we are now living life to the fullest.

Kurt

susieq said:

Goes to show ..................... different people, different answers. I had called when I reached 62 to see if I could collect on his. Was told I needed to wait until I reached 65. In the conversation they asked when he began collecting, they were told 62, so they knew. My SIL swore up and down that I should be able to collect on his at 62, because she could. (She lives in CA.) Wondering different states .... But SS is federal ... Maybe different states answer questions differently ... no wonder SS is in the shape it's in ............

Bottom line though, what is done is done. You're collecting & I'm assuming so is he. All worked out in the end .......... Happy for you.

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I have learned the answers vary when speaking to SS reps, not all have worked there as long as others so are not as informed on the regulations. I have learned lots on a fb group Social Security Intelligence, there are a couple SS retirees that know their stuff and other member that answer but just confuse the issue. I know a former government worker who said you should of seen the stacks of regulation books when he started in his branch ( he's 71 now) . He said takes years to learn and helps when they are in the office with each other to get guidance, rather then at home like covid .

Don't mean to derail the discussion about old friends, but I want to echo the comments about not trusting an answer from SS if it seems off. I’ve had 2 personal experiences with that. The first was several years ago when SS was phasing out the option for a person to file and suspend and then their spouse could collect on that benefit. I was told by SS 800 line that I couldn’t do that, but knew from media coverage at the time that I could so filed online and was approved.

We also had an issue with the paperwork to take advantage of decreasing your IRRMA for a year if you had a fluctuation in income. They disqualified our application after initially approving and wanted us to repay more than $5,000. Despite multiple phone calls and personal visits to our local office we couldn't get anyone to reexamine it. They kept claiming we had asked to base our earnings on a different year than what we'd put on the form. We finally reached someone on the national 800 number who went through the info and said we were right. When that forced a local rep to look at it, she mumbled something about someone having “made an error” in changing the year from what we'd entered to a different year that disqualified us. No apology or clue about why the employee did it, but it ultimately got corrected—only because my husband had researched the topic carefully and was stubbornly persistent that SS was wrong.